Short Story | Bismuth

‘I was about to go home, until I discovered I had €2,000 in my wallet’

‘Before my career as an instrument inventor I was a graphic-novel artist who owned a comic-book store and had a bit of a reputation regarding nightlife. At the famous Haarlem Comic Days festival, for instance, I got deep into the night with two other cartoonists. After missing the train home another offered me a place to sleep. But he was pretty wild in those days and he kept on drinking and smoking weed and I felt I had to join his party. So I woke up the next day when the owner of the biggest Benelux comic distribution centre screamed, ‘Yuri! What are you doing here?’ I was lying next to his daughter and his nephew, who had found me on the street sleeping in front of the Patronaat. But the story I want to tell happened after this…

‘I was invited to do a book signing by an Amsterdam comic-store owner acquaintance. He was celebrating the five-year anniversary of his store on a Sunday with his close circle of customers. So I was drawing in the books and having a few beers. Then the store owner invited me and some others over to his place. But the store owner forgot the beers and I had to drink rum and Coke instead. He was trying to be as generous as possible so it was a 50/50 drink, really strong. And then he had a surprise. For dinner we were going to have a cheese fondue, but I don’t eat cheese – only a bit on my pizza. So this was a smelly overkill. I took a few pieces of bread with a tiny bit of cheese dip, eating like an anorexic. At about 9pm I was completely drunk and could barely speak any more, because of the lack of food in my stomach and the terribly strong rum and Cokes. I was about to go home when I discovered I had €2,000 in my wallet, the weekly sales money from my store that I always brought home on a Saturday.

‘The mattress sucked up all the beer, Coke and rum’

‘So here I was, in a somewhat dodgy area of Amsterdam where I hardly knew the right direction to the train station, with €2,000 in my pocket. No way I was going to take that risk. So I called my girlfriend and mumbled what was going on and told her that I was going to stay in Amsterdam for the night. I slept on a mattress in the top room of the store owner’s house. The whole house stank of cheese fondue, and it was especially strong in my bedroom. I woke up, my mouth was slimy wet and before I had the chance to stand up, I puked on the floor. The mattress sucked up all the beer, Coke and rum. I went to the toilet to get toilet paper, but the floor was so wet it took me several attempts to get it dry. The smell was unbearable in the room and the mattress was filthy and soaking wet.

‘A few hours later the bookstore owner woke up as well, and after drinking a glass of water I went home. The owner went to the comic distribution centre and told Hansje and the team what happened. Ever since, I’ve always been always invited to book presentations, exhibitions and parties. Hansje nicknamed me the Green Man from Veenendaal, because of my pale hungover face in the morning. My reputation in the music business is less infamous, I hope – but perhaps one day I’ll do something to change that…’

Yuri Landman and Bismuth perform are Friday’s Listen To This: Lee Ranaldo + Bang on a Can All-Stars at Muziekgebouw aan ‘t IJ. The Side Program is completed by RVNG Intl.’s Australian duo Gardland and Mike Koldin’s Michiel Klein.