White Poppy Speaks Her Mind

Vancouver-based visual artist and Not Not Fun-signed musician Crystal Dorval aka White Poppy brings her hypnagogic dreampop over the pond as she embarks on her first European tour ever. Her therapeutic pop, as she calls it, is soothing to both ears and mind, and first and foremost her own. She also has some good tips on comforting the mind on her blog about mental health & wellness. Because of that, we asked her how to be true to yourself. In return she shared with us some personal insights.

Words and images by Crystal Dorval

“No opinions are wrong or right, and everyone’s
opinions deserve to be let out into the world”

I have heard the saying “be true to yourself” many times, but I still don’t fully understand what it means. I’ve been on a wild self-discovery journey for the past few years, trying to understand what it means to be true to yourself. I often feel afraid to speak my mind, and share my opinions. It’s especially hard when talking about the heavier, darker parts of my life. I guess I have always been afraid of being rejected by others, because at a deeper level, the feeling of being rejected can feel like abandonment.

Historically, to be rejected from your peers or your pack, could mean death. If you were left alone without support and approval from others in the wild, you could be at risk of not being able to survive on your own. Maybe the fear to express yourself taps into those deeper aspects of rejection and abandonment. With time I have learned that being rejected by others isn’t so bad. If you can look at it from an optimistic viewpoint, it can actually make you feel more confident and empowered to have your ideas rejected by others. If you know that you like your idea, and that you are happy with it, then being rejecting doesn’t shake that. You just think, well, they don’t like it, oh well, I do.

That is way easier said than done for most people obviously. I come from a place of being very insecure and very doubtful of my own opinions and ideas. I can often be really easily dissuaded by rejection from other people. That being said, I am learning how to toughen up, and be confident with my own ideas. Even while writing this piece I doubt myself. Who am I to write this? Why should anyone listen to me? I am making myself do it anyway, because I believe its important to challenge yourself to be who you want to be.

I also try to remind myself that opinions are just opinions. If someone doesn’t like your opinion, that is just their opinion. None of it matters. No opinions are wrong or right, and everyones opinions deserve to be let out into the world. I think? For some people, authenticity seems to come naturally. Maybe they were raised in a way that was more nurturing, and allowed them to develop healthy self-esteem. I did not have that, and I know many other people who did not have that privilege either. For those of us with big self-esteem obstacles to overcome, the path to authentic self-expression, and being true to ourselves, will be a little bumpy with many setbacks. It is however possible, and with practice it gets easier and easier. I think it’s about listening to your own needs, and really trying to trust yourself. For me it takes a lot of self-talk. I have to work hard to combat the self-doubt and negative shit talking that my inner self throws at me.

Anyway, I didn’t write this, because I have the answer to ‘how to be true to yourself’. Sorry if you read this hoping there was an answer at the end. :p I am still trying to figure this stuff out myself. The main thing I’ve figured out, is that when you do start to open up more about who you really are, you are more at ease and content. Yes, sure it is initially stressful and maybe anxiety inducing to express your needs, thoughts and deeper self, but in the end, doing so is very liberating and allows you to enjoy life more.

White Poppy plays on 21 March at De Nieuwe Anita in Amsterdam, and on 23 March at Poortgebouw in Rotterdam. Both shows are free for Subbacultcha! members. Check out her website for more info.